As a mother you have this kinda duty to ensure you have heaps of photos of your little darlings growing up and doing loads of fun filled things. It's nice to look back on and think "Fuck me, I'm surprised I've not had a breakdown"
Then you get the "professional" photos done. Blaine had his done at school - which went well, no picking of the nose, no sullen face, which is huge progress from last years disaster where he just looked miserable and told the photographer to "Go away" as he hates getting his photo taken. Nice child.
The Mum and Baby group that I go to had a Professional Photographer come along to take photos of the little cherubs - siblings were more than welcome. I thought it would be a wonderful idea to have a charming picture of Blaine and Imogen together. My mum had requested that they wore outfits that complemented each other and matched.... a hard task when Blaine won't wear a dress...... In my head my 2 delightful children would sit and happily smile and laugh at each other - dressed to perfection and behaving like angles.
The reality is, as always, something slightly different. Prior to getting the photos taken I inform Blaine of what is about to happen, he has a tantrum. "I HATE getting my picture taken. I'm NOT going it. I HATE it. I HATE YOUUUUUUU!!" Great - wonderful. This starts Imogen off on one of her mini rants towards her brother. So, 2 crying children and I need to get Blaine in his outfit. Of course he refuses point blank to wear anything remotely smart, but eventually he's dressed in jeans and a shirt and we walk up to the centre to get the pictures taken.
We are ushered into the room where a family are currently having their photos done - they are lovely, perfect smiling children, sitting nicely, smiling away and following instructions. Blaine is standing beside me sulking as I attempt to tidy his hair "Don't touch me" he hisses.
Then it's our shot. Blaine flings off his coat, socks and shoes and plonks himself down on the white paper thing. Imogen is placed beside him and then I move away. At this point Imogen freaks out as I have moved one millimetre away from her and starts greeting. Blaine starts moaning "Imogen, stop it" the woman is attempting to restore some sort of normality by using children's TV characters to capture Imogen's attention. Blaine gets all huffy as it's all "BABYISH - I HATE IGGLE PIGGLE HE'S A BABY!!" and Imogen cries even more and is frantically attempting to get away from the camera lens and back to the security of me. Blaine then resorts to rolling his eyes and picking his nose.
After a few attempts the photographer gives up. Luckily it was free. Blaine gets himself ready then has a strop about nothing.
The week later we got the photos - not bad, I think she captured one when Imogen was paused between screams, so she just looks grumpy and not actually screaming. I refrain from purchasing any.
The following week I receive a letter home from Imogen's nursery. A Photographer is coming to the nursery and we have a place booked at 16:45 so Blaine can come along too. Groan. This time I'm much more prepared....
In the morning I tell Blaine that after school he is coming home to get changed into nice clothes and he is getting his photos taken. "NO, I HATE IT" is the response. "Oh dear, that's a wee shame" I reply "I was going to get you something nice if you were good" ....... Blaine processes this information, he's good at haggling so I know he'll try for anything. "What's that then mummy?" he asks all innocently, "I dunno, depends how good you are" "Oh I'll be super good if I get a new DS game" Hmmmm the stakes are high for this one. I need to wangle him down from a DS game to something more realistic and affordable. Pay day is tomorrow. I'm skint. "OK Blaine. If you want a DS game you have to be very good and collect 20 things in your reward jar. That's the rule for DS games. For today, IF you are VERY good, you can get a mouse for the laptop" Blaine is rather excited about this and the promise of a new mouse goes down well.
To explain Blaines reward jar - every time he does one of his "Star Jobs" without a tantrum he gets a wee thing in his jar (paperclip normally) - once he gets 20 he gets a reward. He has NEVER achieved 20 yet. This is how good his behaviour is. Sigh. His Star Jobs aren't anything dramatic like "clean all the windows in the house"; "climb Mount Everest" no, no - it's things like "Get washed every day nicely with no tantrum"; "Get dressed every day nicely with no tantrum" "Eat meals NICELY with no distractions and NO tantrums" You can see the focus on tantrums here...... It's all a bit like SuperNanny.
After school he came home and got changed - even wore a tie! Imogen is in her nice outfit, with matching hair band, and off we pop to nursery. This time it is slightly more successful. We last about 5/10 mins before Imogen starts going mental, she wasn't the most enthusiastic person in the world but she tolerated it. The photographer used feathers for her to play with and I think she may have caught her slightly smiling once. Or maybe she farted. Who knows.
Blaine got his computer mouse. Imogen got a biscuit. It all ended well and not one tantrum. Until it was time for homework.....
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