How To Survive The School Holidays.

I blogged at the beginning of July about the school holidays, well it's nearly time to go back......

On Tuesday Blaine will be returning to school after a mammoth 44 days off.  44 days of pure hell.  Who decided that a nice big break during the "summer" would be a good idea?!  Obviously not someone who works that's for sure.  Working full-time and having to organise summer child-care is a pain in the arse.  Living in a place with no family nearby who can help out is also a pain in the arse.  School holidays are a pain in the arse.

They started fine, well except from the pissing on neighbours wall incident.  I had the first 2 weeks off to "entertain" Blaine.  Imogen was still in nursery, it was decided that this would be best as we don't want her being out of her routine.  HA!  What a load of bollocks.  The truth is I wanted to try and get some peace from at least one of them. 

Entertaining Blaine is an expense.  I did consider remortgaging the house after the first couple of days activities - Soft Play, Science Museum, Lunch out  - it was all getting a bit of an expense.  So I looked at a much cheaper alternative - the park and those fab vouchers from Asda that give your kids free sports sessions.  Sorted.

Then the good old Scottish summer weather started - rain, cold, wind.  Braw.  How to make the holidays even more horrific - provide weather so I can't boot his bum outside.  Now he's inside and is bored.  "I'm booooored" he wails.  I offer a variety of things to do "play the DS; watch a DVD; play in your room; tidy your room; pain/draw;" but he doesn't want to do anything. He hates it all and he is bored.  I'm considering selling him.  Some days I did consider opening the wine at 8am.

We did have a couple of nice wee jaunts away.  Remember Haven?  Well we also had a few days in a lovely log cabin in Perth, Tom stayed up here to work and mum came along to help out with the kids. I ended the week with a night out so I could get bladdered - it was therapeutic.

When working full-time the school holidays are an almighty pain in the arse.  Holiday Clubs were booked, I took 3 weeks off in total, Tom took 1 (?! - how is that fair!?) so our childcare bill rocketed.  One day I spent £90 on childcare just so I could go to work - what was the fucking point. £90!? I bet Super Nanny is cheaper.

So here's my top tips for surviving the school holidays:

1. Save up.  About £5k should cover the amount of shit you have to buy to keep your little darlings entertained.
2. Stock up.  On wine/vodka/gin.  It will help.
3. Give up work for 6 weeks - I'm sure all your employers will accept this. Ha fucking ha. Or become a teacher.
4. Hire a nanny/cleaner/cook - much needed unless you want to have a breakdown.

But we have survived.  Next year I will be sending him away to his Gran's for a month, she doesn't know this yet but I'm sure it will be fine.......

I cannot wait until Tuesday morning, he will be at the school gates bright and early.  Blaine isn't as excited as I am.  I have no idea why.  When anyone asks him "Are you looking forward to going back to school?" I reply, with extreme excitement "Ohhhhhh yes!  I can't wait!!" Blaine, on the other hand, mutters something like "no" but I ignore that.  He will be going back and he will enjoy it.

Now I have to plan for the October Holidays.  Sigh.