Flumes

So I'm another day into my holiday and another day closer to an evening of fine chat and vodka.  Hurrah!

On today's agenda was a trip to a fab shop in Bathgate - very, very cheap baby/toddler stuff, where I purchased Imogen some fine frocks and also the cutest hat and cardi set.  Some people may think I'm a cruel parent when they see her in it.  It's hand knitted and pink.  Very hard to describe so I will attempt to wrestle her into it tomorrow and post a pic.  I think she looks adorable!  Others will think it's verging on child cruelty, but I'm sure she'll thank me for it when I show her the pics in 20 years lol then it was a quick lunch with my lovely friend and drinking buddy on Saturday then home to get Blaine to go swimming.

But before we went swimming I had to find some sort of swimsuit I could wear.  Mum threw all hers at me to try on, apparently, according to my mother,  it doesn't matter what size you are - any size swim suit will fit.  I tried on two - the first was OK but a bit worn due to the age of the damn thing, so I figured I didn't want to scare anyone wearing a see through swim suit and the 2nd was huge.  Baggy thing - everything was showing. So I decided a quick dash into Asda for a swim-suit was required.  Asda had a lovely range of swim-suits for those of us who are skinny and have no boobs - not me.  Sadly they didn't do any with built in scaffolding and most of them had pads in the boob area.  Why oh why do they do this?  Not all of us want additional padding you know.  I got a nice black thing (slimming apparently) which had "medium support" pmsl that is a big fat lie.  It had sod all support and how I didn't give myself, or someone else, an injury I will never know.

Eventually we arrive at the swimming pool.  Due to Imogen's hatred of the water it is decided that mum will go out for a walk with her and I will take Blaine into the pool.  It's the school holidays and during the holidays the kids get in the swimming pools for free.  So guess how busy it was? HEAVING is the answer.  30 min wait to get in the damn place (so I fed Imogen while we waited so mum wouldn't have to worry about her screaming the place down as there was no boob in the vicinity) After 30 mins we were let in, along with about 1000 screaming bairns. Shudder.

Blaine loves swimming, he has no fear, splashes, jumps about etc all the things I hate.  The water is Baltic of course, so my pale skin is now an appealing shade of blue. The place is full of hyper kids - jumping on each other, dunking each other, screaming, splashing - I even gave one The Look as he managed to soak me.  Wee bastard.  Then it happened.  Blaine saw the flumes.  As a rule I don't "do" flumes. Theres many reasons for this 1.  I'm terrified of heights 2.  I'm terrified of enclosed spaces 3.  I hate the bloody things.  But Blaine is really wanting to go on them - but he can't go down himself as he will drown.  Fuck.  So I have to go with him. 

We venture towards the stairs and I wave feebly at my mum who's now in the spectator area enjoying a nice warm coffee - she sees where I'm going and her jaw drops to the ground.  I can see what she's thinking - she's in shock. I'm actually taking my son on a flume.  We start the climb to the flume. The stairs sway slightly with all the kids running up them, I start to feel a tad sick.  I'm convinced the thing is going to collapse around me.  We get to the end of the line, theres a wifey in front of me - skinny thing in a string bikini.  She's even had kids. Bitch. She looks at me clinging onto the rail and says "scared of heights hen?" Fuck me - it must be totally obvious" aye" comes the reply.  "So am I hen, just dinnay look down" then she proceeds to give me some advice - "go on the flume on your right, it's lighter and slower" Now I'm in a predicament - is she taking the piss or actually being kind?  She has her son with her - she going on the one to the right as she hates the flumes too.  So I accept that she's actually being kind. 

We get to the front of the line.  The young man tells us to go to our flume. He must have been about 12 - how he'd save me from drowning I'd never know.  So off we pop.  I sit down and Blaine sits in front of me, then I realise that I actually have to hold onto Blaine - so I have nothing to use to slow me down. Great.  So it'll be breakneck speed all the way down.  Oh well, best get it over with. Blaine is hyper - he sits down and I cling onto him then off we go "wweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" screams Blaine.  I just scream.  Round and round, down slops, round corners - eugh, bloody awful.  Then we come fleeing out into the water like a bullet.  Blaine emerges laughing. I emerge slightly shell shocked.  We get off the flume and descend down the steps.  We get to the bottom and Blaine is making his way back to the bloody flume "again mummy, again!" What the very fuck?  Pardon? Again?  3 bloody times I had to go on that damn thing and every time it was worse. The last time he wanted to go on the faster flume - I think not. 

Thankfully they closed the flume - hurrah! But they closed it so they could open up the Rapid Rivers.  Everyone is now piling into the rapid rivers- getting sucked in by the fake current.  Great - off we pop.  After about 100 trips round the damn thing it's time to get out.  We get dried and dressed and I meet mum for a dose of caffeine, which is vile.  Swimming has now been ticked off the list - and Blaine can't wait to go another day so we can ride the flumes again.  I quickly inform him that next time his daddy will be taking him so i can sit in the spectator area and be cosy and dry. 

Tomorrow it's a tad more civilised - coffee and cake in the morning, a trip to the Disney Store then maybe Deep Sea World in the afternoon - depending how well behaved Blaine is.  Another fun filled day.  Pass me the voddy please.