Easter Holidays - Soft Play (or Hell as I prefer to call it)

So the Easter Holidays are in full swing.  Who's stupid idea was it to have the holidays when it's not Easter?  The schools are off until 18th Monday (that date can't arrive soon enough).  Easter is then the Sunday after it - then they are off for that bloody Royal Wedding, then an inservice day, another day off then polling day. FFS  They are hardly in at all!  I'm dreading the summer holidays - 7 weeks off?! AAARRRGGGHH!

Week one, day 2 and we're heading to Soft Play.  For those of you who have never experienced the world of soft play let me describe it to you briefly:

A big room with a MASSIVE play area, filled with things like slides, ball pools, rope things, climbing things, and all covered in soft material so the little cherubs can't hurt themselves. The room is filled with LOADS of loud, screaming, hyper-active children.  The adults sit in the room at cheap plastic tables and chairs (in some establishments these are bolted to the floor so you can't move them, a bit like being in prison) Some places provide a decent coffee and nice food.  Others don't. They provide crap coffee from a machine, fried food, sweets and the dreaded Fruit Shoot (a horrid drink filled with E numbers that sends Blaine hyper) Most kids are horrendous wee chavs, bullying the other kids while the parents sit looking totally glakit and couldn't care less.  You take your life in your hands if you dare speak to them regarding their child's behaviour. 

Today we were trying out a new establishment.  In Aberdeenshire.  Please never confuse Aberdeen City and Aberdeenshire.  Two different places. Aberdeen City has horrific soft play establishments, really minging, so we rarely go. Aberdeenshire has nicer ones - normally decent coffee, home made cakes, freshly cooked food.  Nicer class of people in Aberdeenshire lol I have persuaded one of my school mum chums to come along with her daughter (who was going to be Blaine's future wife - but Blaine has now decided he wants to marry a boy..... Tom is not amused..... but that's another story) so she picks us up and off we pop.  To Hell.

I have a voucher, but the big fuck off notice at the entrance proclaims that the vouchers cannot be used during the Easter holidays.  Pissed off at not saving £4.50 we go in and prepare ourselves.  Shoes and coats off we open the door and stand there as the wave of noise that greets us almost knocks us off our feet.  It's heaving. Brats everywhere and it's boiling.  Ugh.  Blaine runs off with his friend and we head for a table and caffeine.....

Sadly the caffeine is from a machine.  It's minging.  So strong you could stand a spoon in it.  Boak.  But it's drunk anyway, anything to keep us sane!  Food is purchased, paninis for the adults and a Kids Box for the kids.  It's edible - will do the job.  No decent cakes so I'm not impressed. The kids are roasting hot with running around so much.  Then IT happens.  Blaine comes over looking sollom. "Whats wrong?" I ask..... "a boy just hit me in the tummy"  Now what I want to say Where is this wee bastard?  Let me find his mother!!  But what I do say is "ok, that's not nice, don't play with him and if he hurts you again show mummy who he is" Blaine goes off and the wee git starts harassing Blaine.  He's wearing some army commando style t-shirt and combats.  Shaved head.  Looks like a right wee thug.  Great, I think, his parents will no doubt be just as adorable.  Blaine comes over "mummy, he keeps following me"  So I get up off my seat and go into the play area with Blaine. The child in question is waiting round a corner for Blaine to come his way and he jumps out - right in front of me.  I give him THE LOOK.  Those of you who are parents will know what this look entails.  It's a deathly stare, you look right at them sternly so they know you are pissed off.  You don't need to say a single word.  The Look is enough. He runs off towards his parents and Blaine is saved.  Well done mummy!  I now start praying that his parents are the "couldn't care less" type of parent and ignore his moaning about some nasty woman giving him a nasty look.  My prayers appear to be answered and the wee git goes on his way without bothering Blaine again. So that's one disaster avoided.

2 hours later (yes, you go into these places for hours) and we decide that enough is enough and we head home.  Ears ringing from the constant noise, head thumping, dragging 2 kids - sweating buckets from all the running round, moaning that they don't want to leave. I do wonder why I put myself through this.  But I do.  Blaine loves it. Even though he was punched he still loves it. 

Arriving home I collapse on the sofa with Imogen (she was dragged to soft play too, poor wee soul) shes obviously traumatised by her outing so has a massive feed and we both fall asleep for about 90 mins.  Blaine must have thought all his Christmasses had come at once - he was on the computer for 2 hours without me moaning at him.  I wake up at 5:30.  Great.  No tea is ready, Imogen has slept past 5pm, Blaine is now hyper as he's been on the computer for hours and Tom has emerged from bed.

I make tea, pizza and wedges.  Now I used to be quite a good cook - not a Nigella by any standard, but I can rustle up a good home cooked meal when I have the time.  Tonight it was frozen food chucked in an oven - easy peasy.  Except the pizza stuck to the shelf of the oven so had to be binned and the garlic bread got totally burnt.  So I chucked some sausages under the grill.  What a disaster.  Tom was not amused.  Luckily I had a big cream bun for supper to save my sanity, sadly I forgot to get one for Tom - he threatened to take mine with him to work....I gave him The Look too, he left it for me. He's learing......slowly.....

Kids are now in bed, Tom is at work. Heading to bed myself shortly to recover from Soft Play.  Tomorrow is a new day, I think it's a trip to the park if the weather is nice.......