Living in Aberdeen has a bit of a horrid downside. The bastard seagulls. Flying rats, vermin. One of the dirty beasts crapped on my coat when I was out at MacDuff a few weeks ago having a lovely day at the Aquarium. I was wandering along, probably screeching at Blaine no doubt, then this big beast of a seagull felt it appropriate to shit all over my coat. Bloody horrid things. So I'm not a big fan of them - they also steal food. I feel the need to kill anyone who steals any of my food.
Today was a nice spring day up here - 14 degrees, double figures, woohoo! In Scotland when the temperature reaches such dizzy heights we all go a bit mental and start worshipping the great big orange blob in the sky. We don't see it often and it normally doesn't last long, so everyone gets half naked to stock up on Vit D and BBQ's are on all over the place. So you end up with burnt folk with food poisoning. Nice. Today is no exception. As a "treat" (and I use that word very loosely) we take Blaine to Pizza Hut for some lunch. I haven't actually eaten even though I've been up since 5am, nor have I had a coffee, so my mood is not the best to say the least. After lunch Tom is dropped off back at home so he can listen to some crap footie match in peace and I head back to the park with the kids.
At the park it's baltic, the park is at the beach with that nasty North wind blowing a gale. I detest being cold so I wrap up - even when its a boiling 14 degrees. So I have on my jeans, t-shirt, trackie top (chavtastic) and anorak. Imogen is also suitably dressed with tights, hand knitted looped cardigan and cosy fleece. Blaine, being a boy, has on a tiny t-shirt and is , apparently, boiling. So it would appear are half of the other folk at the park. Men seem to think it's the ideal weather to take off their t-shirts and show off the peely wally skin and beer bellies. Boak. Silly girlies in tiny shorts, sandals, skimpy vest tops -showing off some slim figure and pert everything - you can tell they have never had children. Lucky them. I daren't show off any part of my body to the public - the saggy belly, stretch marks in places I never knew could stretch, wobbly bits all over the place. My skin is so pale is practically blue - so not a good look, another reason why I cover up.
After being shocked at the park by these half naked Scottish folk we pop to the shops for a bit of bargain hunting. I need Vaseline for Imogen (teething rash) and a light weight coat for Blaine. How exciting.
We arrive at the shop and get out of the car, Blaine then asks, loudly, "MUMMY! LOOK! THOSE SEAGULLS WANT TO BE IN THE CIRCUS!" What the fuck is he going on about now? "LOOK MUMMY - UP THERE UP THERE!!" He's shouting and is very excited about these remarkable seagulls. So I look up - taking a huge risk incase one of the beasts crap on my head. The dirty wee buggers are shagging. Gee'in' it laldy on top of a bus shelter. Dirty beasts. "Aren't they funny mummy? Look - it's jumping about on the other one's back!" By now his shouting and pointing has, of course, caused the whole of Aberdeen to stop and look at what he's shouting about. Shagging seagulls. Whatever next. Blaine is whisked away and the topic is swiftly changed "how about an ice-cream Blaine?" but all he's going on about is the bloody shagging seagulls "They were really funny mummy, one of them was really loud! Did you hear it?" Yes, I heard it - no wonder it was squawking, it didn't look at all pleased with being taken advantage of. Sigh. I know how it feels......
So the seagulls are not only flying around Aberdeen stealing everyone's food and crapping on folk - they are also shagging in public. I think I may have to buy a gun.
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